FFVII: Palmer is on a Coffee Rampage, YIKES!
by Sonata-Time-Nocturne-Flare-Aoi
Summary: Complete! Palmer is at it again on his rampage to find him a hot cup of coffee, for without it, he becomes an insane, uncontrollable psychopath! This is the final part of this series involving Palmer. Enjoy!


**Story**: Palmer is on a Coffee Rampage, YIKES!  
**Author**: Master Jin Sonata  
**Written**: August 2010  
**Genre**: Humor  
**Rating**: T  
**Disclaimer**: I do not own Square or its fatass, coffee craving idiot.

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**One-Shot: ****Palmer is on a Coffee Rampage, YIKES!**

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Palmer woke up bright and early in his humble little studio apartment at the base of the Shinra Corporation. He stretches and yawns as he wobbles out of bed and makes his way downstairs toward the kitchen to grab a cup of hot coffee to start the day with. He opens his cupboards and makes a grab for a tin of coffee grounds…

…only to find it empty.

Palmer's face turned from pleasant to a cross between completely dumbfounded and horrified.

"**No…more….COFFEE?"** he sputtered as an oncoming rage began to build within the fat-man's body. **"MUST…GET…COFFEE!"**

Seconds later, Palmer's outline was smashed through his dining room wall as he ran down the streets like a madman in search for coffee.

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**7****th**** Heaven Bar**

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Down at the 7th Heaven bar, Cloud and Barret were having a drink while Tifa served them. Within moments, Palmer abruptly charges into the bar, looking like a rabid mutt.

"**Palmer? What in the world are you doing in a place like this?"** Tifa questioned the Shinra executive from behind the counter.

"**Yeah, the hell is wrong with you, fool? Look like you didn't have your morning cup of joe or something,"** Barret taunts as he takes a swig of some coffee Tifa brewed for him and Cloud.

"**COFFEE…NEED…COFFEE!"** Palmer blurted out in anticipation when he heard they were having coffee.

**"Sorry fatty, we're drinking the last of what Tifa's got for the day. Hahahaha!"** Barret said with a hearty laugh at Palmer's face as he finished the last of his drink, down to the last drop.

**SLAAAAMMMM!**

Before Barret could even realize it, he was hit by a flying pool table, causing him to fly out of his bar stool and slam against the adjacent wall.

Tifa gasps at Palmer's unusual display of physical prowess and quickly looks to Cloud to do something about this.

"**Looks like I'll be getting my exercise today,"** Cloud said as he stood from his seat and went to grab his buster sword…

…only to find it missing.

"**What?"** Cloud said as he looked to see his weapon gone from its spot.

He looks back at Palmer, who now held his buster sword.

"**GIMMIE…YOUR…COFFEE…NOW!"** Palmer said furiously as he held the sword in a dangerous manner.

"**I…finished my coffee as well…"** Cloud responded, walking cautiously toward him to try and get his weapon back.

**SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH! SLASH!**

Cloud's attempt to tame the wild beast fails as Palmer performed the famous Omni-Slash technique on Cloud, the final slash sending our spiky-haired hero tumbling across the bar counter, knocking over every wine glass placed there, followed by a loud thud of Cloud landing on the floor where Tifa was.

Tifa looks up at Palmer and gulps. She had to think fast or she would be next. She looks all throughout her supply cupboard…

…and to her surprise, finds a bag of coffee beans hiding behind some stuff.

"**Here you go, Palmer, a fresh cup of coffee that will get you through the day,"** she said with a slightly nervous smile as she quickly brews some for him.

Palmer immediately drops the buster sword and hobbles up to the counter, grabbing the mug and downing it in seconds. He licks his lips, and then lets out a huge burp.

"**Aaaaahhhh…that hit the spot,"** he says, setting down the mug and trotting away happily toward the exit like a little schoolgirl.

Tifa looks at her now wrecked bar and sighs. Both Cloud and Barret were out cold, and she was left to clean everything up after that bizarre event.

**This concludes the Palmer-Coffee trilogy!**

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**The End!**

**Please review, and thanks for reading! Check out our other fics starring Palmer if you have not yet, you're sure to get a laugh out of them as well!**


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